Once, I was in a romantic relationship that I thought had potential for something more, but I ignored too many red flags—he did not value me. How did I know?
- Our relationship was never socialized, so I often felt hidden and invisible.
- He would occasionally criticize me for being an overachiever.
- My nurturing tendencies annoyed the hell out of him.
- He seldom encouraged me towards my goals.
This guy was not a bad person. Many times we enjoyed spending time together doing nothing. I knew before I got involved with him that there would be limitations, but I chose to dive in anyway because…well, I was lonely and felt this need to “belong”.
In the process, I changed. I became less of me and more like him. My focus slowly shifted from pursuing my own goals to investing more time and energy into pleasing him. Admittedly, I agreed to his putting me in a “box” because I did not value myself enough to demand better.
I eventually woke up and walked away from this relationship.
Oftentimes, we are our own worst enemies. Our desire to belong is so strong that we can negate our own identity and vision for ourselves to fulfill someone else’s. We can get so wrapped up in other people’s agenda that we forget about our own. And then, before we know it, the year is up and we didn’t accomplish all that we set out to do. We cannot buy back time.
Think twice before entering into an agreement with well-meaning people who distract you from the path and assignment you were meant to walk and fulfill. Guard your heart from institutions that persuade you to question or stifle your authenticity. Shut down influences that, on the surface seem harmless, yet cause you to act in ways that feel unnatural and contradict your innate moral consciousness. These are wolves in sheep clothing.
The right people, both personal and professional, will encourage you towards your dreams and will want you to shine. They will see you as an asset, celebrate your value, and push you towards being an even better version of yourself. The right people confirm your worth not belittle it, so that you are not given to self-doubt.
Be intentional about the people and relationships you bring into the new year. Make 2019 your breakout year!
- Write a letter to yourself, apologizing for not making yourself more of a priority.
- Conduct an inventory of your friends. Write down the names of the people whom you spend the most time. Who’s helping you? Who’s hurting you? Who’s hindering you?
- What messages are you telling yourself? Write them down in a journal. Are they positive and affirming or self-deprecating?
Remember, these realizations are part of our journey to discovering our best selves. I’m glad we’re on the journey together. CLICK HERE to invite other friends to join our #OYO Community and don’t forget to follow me on social media for daily inspirations.